


Fresh Water

by rndmnwierd



Series: Last Lapidot Week 2020 [5]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: F/F, not fluff but not angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:22:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23951503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rndmnwierd/pseuds/rndmnwierd
Summary: Sometimes, it takes a  few tries to get it right.Written for the Last Lapidot Week
Relationships: Lapis Lazuli/Peridot (Steven Universe)
Series: Last Lapidot Week 2020 [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1719997
Comments: 1
Kudos: 29





	Fresh Water

Today was the day, Peridot decided as she paced around the barn, she simply needed to gather her words and her courage. 

“Lapis,” She said, turning to face the alien plush she’d won all those months ago. His large, kind eyes stared at her unblinkingly, “Lapis, I know it’s only been a scant few Earth months since we came to be barnmates, but these have been some of the most fun times I’ve had here. I must conclude that it is your presence which makes…” She trailed off, shaking her head, “No, that won’t do.”

Sighing in frustration, Peridot whipped out her tablet and fired up the search engine. ‘HOW TO CONFESS YOUR FEELINGS TO YOUR CUTE ROOMMATE’. The results were proof that this was not an uncommon phenomenon, but the sheer amount of information to sift through was daunting. Just looking at the summaries was beginning to make her feel anxious, as well.

‘Offer to move out…’ ‘don’t want to make them uncomfortable…’ Peridot had considered that her feelings wouldn’t be returned, but until now, it hadn’t been a true worry. Hearing the flap of watery wings outside, Peridot quickly closed down her search.

Perhaps today was not the day.

~~~~~~~

When Lapis came back, there was a part of Peridot that was relieved and another part that was angry. She’d spent so long trying to let go, pulling herself back to her feet and getting used to a life without Lapis. A lot of her determination to do so had come from the feeling of anger she had at being left behind. 

Anger had been better than the pain in her chest, the squeezing pressure that appeared whenever she thought of Lapis. The last argument they had, the look on her face as she flew away, the sight of her back getting smaller and smaller in the sky until she was just gone. A broken heart, humans called it, a diagnosis Peridot eventually agreed with. Pain in her chest, where her heart would be at the thought of the loss of someone she’d cared for.

That’s why, after reforming after the battle, Peridot tried to avoid Lapis. With little success. There really wasn’t much avoiding her when there were only four people working to fix the hand ships. That’s why it was not so much a surprise as it was dreadfully expected when Lapis cornered Peridot on the beach.

“Can we talk?” Lapis asked, voice small and nervous. Peridot didn’t even have to look over her shoulder to know she was standing with one arm across her stomach, holding her other elbow. It was her habit whenever she was anxious, Peridot remembered.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Peridot tried to say dismissively, hoping her own emotions weren’t shining through her tone. She wasn’t even certain what she would sound like, her feelings were so jumbled she did know what she was thinking.

There was a pause; Peridot held her breath, ears straining to hear even the slightest movement, until she caught the moment Lapis’s own breath stirred in her chest. “... Are you so upset with me that you won’t even hear me out?”

The sound of tears in her voice had Peridot finally spinning around, the instinct to comfort her having her reach out, take a half step forward, placating words on her tongue. She stopped herself; lying, even the little white lies meant to make her friend feel better, had been part of the problem with them. 

“I am upset with you,” Peridot acknowledged, keeping her voice calm, even as Lapis’s face began to collapse in on itself, “but that’s not why I don’t want to talk. I don’t know how to feel about you anymore and I don’t know how this conversation will go. We can’t afford to be distracted in the face of this overwhelming battle.”

“I think that’s why this is the best time to do this. If something happens to either one of us…” Lapis trailed off meaningfully, then went on, “You don’t have to speak, but there are some things I need to say to you. I know it’s selfish, but will you allow this of me?”

She was begging with her eyes, desperation and tears shining in them as Peridot took a long moment to study her. She felt the anger in her soften, her heart aching at her friend’s suffering. She couldn’t deny this. “Go ahead.”

“I’m sorry.” Two simple words, but the effect on Peridot was profound. They were filled with such sincere emotion, that Peridot felt her anger melting away, revealing the sadness she’d tried so hard to bury. “I know that just saying that isn’t enough; I did something I’m not sure can be forgiven and certainly never forgotten. It’s true though, I’m so sorry and I don’t know how else to express my, my remorse in words.”

“Why did you come back?” Peridot asked when Lapis trailed off.

A look of clear discomfort came over Lapis’s face, “You know I’m not so good at expressing myself.” 

“Try.” Peridot’s tone brooked no argument.

It took several deep breaths and a lot of shuffling feet before Lapis began to talk. Peridot was never the most patient gem, but for this, she’d make an exception. “I circled the moon a few times before I landed on it. I just couldn’t make up my mind. I kept seeing you and Steven and Pumpkin, looking up at me. My fear of the Diamonds was almost as strong at the regret I felt at… at what I did.”

“Ripping the barn up and taking our life into space?” Peridot was surprised by how harsh the words that fell from her mouth were. Lapis flinched and she felt bad for being so mean to her friend, but she didn’t take it back.

“I was afraid to leave and afraid to come back, so all I could do was sit on the moon and watch everyone move on without me. I was trapped again, but this time, I was my own captor. And even when Steven came and I panicked again, I found myself flying right back after a few days.” Lapis looked down, “If the Diamonds hadn’t come to Earth, maybe I would still be up there.”

“You left because you were afraid of them and came back to fight them anyway.” Peridot stated pointedly, “Why?”

“Because you were right.” Lapis glanced back up and met her gaze with an intensity that took Peridot’s breath away, “This is our home and it’s worth fighting for. I’m not helpless or powerless anymore and I won’t let anyone make me feel that way again. Not even myself.” Taking a deep, shaky breath, Lapis continued with a strength in her eyes and voice Peridot had never seen before, “I wish that I had figured this all out sooner so that I could save you the pain you went through, but I’m back now and I want to make things right. I’m not going to ask you to accept my apology now, because I intend to work to earn that forgiveness. Someday.”

Lapis took a few steps closer and Peridot felt frozen by her gaze, unable to speak or run away or anything. Lapis carefully knelt down and took her hand, looking up with warmth and hope in her face and Peridot was glad gems didn’t need air to live, because her breath was taken away.

“I want your permission to stay.” Lapis whispered, “I want to start over and do things right. I want you to know that only you can send me away, because I don’t intend to leave our home again.”

Peridot couldn’t speak, for once, no words were coming to her to agree or disagree or tell Lapis how much she missed her and cared about her. How she’d dreamed about her coming back, how she wanted to forgive her. Just as Lapis’s face started to turn to worry, Peridot surged forward to hug her tightly, nodding against her shoulder.

Perhaps today was not the day, but someday soon, she would tell Lapis everything.


End file.
